Philippines Episode 7: Outcast Cast Out

So, Jonathan Penner was surprised that Katie voted for him and demands answers. He says that it's a real eye-opener that "other people are lying in this game, and not just me". I guess the veteran let his guard down. Meanwhile, it's a special day for the other veteran, as it's the day he fell into the fire. "This is brand-new territory...for everyone" says Skupin, who has no more experience handling a merge than anyone else on his tribe.

Yay, now we can start eating eachother!

And a merge it is, as a dude on a boat comes by to give the news. They have 10 minutes to get their stuff together and go to a new beach. Malcolm makes sure to grab his idol that he'd buried, and wraps it up in his clothes. Kalabaw also take the news positively, hoping there's a crack in Tandang (oh boy, they have no idea!). Denise's gameplan: stick with Kalabaw, but also rekindle her alliance with Malcolm.

The boats pull up side by side and everyone gets out for the meet and greet, as well as the customary food. Now that Jeff Kent is on a tribe with Skupin *and* Penner, he's got both returnees in his sights. Skupin is giddy as a schoolboy, and interestingly describes himself as a free agent, revealing how him and RC felt ostracized by the rest of Tandang, and RC is showing no signs of wanting to let that go.

Malcolm goes for a walk with mama

Lisa is doing laundry and stumbles on Malcolm's idol. Malcolm notices it has been moved, and strongly suspects Lisa found it. He takes her off to another part of the beach alone and without even saying anything, she confesses. But he knows she didn't have any ill intentions and decides to promise a final three with her and Denise. Malcolm handled the situation best he could and now he has a new alliance, whether he wanted it or not.

Lisa enjoys her time with Penner most of all, because the fellow actor knows her secret and so she can just be herself around him. Another thing Penner is concerned about is the returning player bullseye, and talks to Mike about it and gets him to open up. RC is 50/50 on flipping and so they consider throwing their lot in with Penner's guys.

Although Penner's guys might have plans of their own. "I don't want a veteran to win!" Jeff is telling everybody. He's very clear on wanting to last longer than Penner. Why didn't you just vote him out instead of Katie, then? Malcolm proposes that Pete, Abi, Artis, Lisa, Denise, Jeff and Carter split their votes on Penner and RC in order to flush the idol and/or remove the outlier. Pete is very enthusiastic about the idea.

Denise's curse is lifted

The first individual immunity challenge of the game is upon us, and there's two necklaces up for grabs: one for a man, one for a woman. They all have a bucket on a rope and all they have to do is stop it from dropping. Penner is struggling almost immediately, but it is Mike and Pete who are the first ones out. This challenge isn't really going the way I expected. Penner is out next, followed by Lisa and Malcolm. A very sweaty RC drops out next...Abi managed to beat her?? In the end, Denise ends up with immunity for the first time. On the men's side, Artis puts in a great showing but can't hold it much longer. It's down to just Jeff and Carter. Why are they carrying on, they're in the same alliance? But eventually, Kent decides to let Carter owe him one and gives the young buck the immunity necklace.

Oh, and the new tribe's name is Dangrayne

The challenge went much better for Pete than it did for RC, but the bikini babe is still confident of gaining a majority alliance tonight. Mike and Jeff Kent have a very productive chat, where Skupin promises he will help him vote out Penner if they side with him tonight. Penner makes it very clear to Jeff that he has his loyalty, and tries to keep them on board. Jeff and Carter find themselves in the swing vote position again. Do they go against Jonathan and possibly find themselves sliding down the totem pole, or do they satisfy that urge to get the veteran out?

Welcome Tandang, this is called tribal council.
It's where you vote people out

At tribal council, Probst points out that they've never had a tribe make it to the merge completely intact before. Although as many of them admit, they're just about ready to start eating their own. Lisa tries to make the argument against siding with Kalabaw, saying anyone flipping to that side will still be bottom anyway and it won't make much of a difference. The tribe pretty much all admit that none of them are entirely sure what's going down, and they all get up to vote.

The voting montage is excellent as we see votes flying in all directions. Abi votes Penner. RC votes Pete, who returns the favour. Penner is also voting Pete and Artis is voting RC. Are you keeping up? When the votes are about to be read, Penner gets nervous and decides to play his idol. It turns out to be the right call as five votes for Penner are canceled out, leaving two on Pete and four on RC. And tonight, four happens to be enough. The glam girl joins the jury and Pete looks very, very relieved.

Now we're talking, that was a great merge episode and I can just tell it's going to be a great merge in general. With so many factions and sub-factions in play, shit is gonna get messy..in a good way. See you next week, where I have no idea who is going home. Penner's scrambled out of scrapes before, he can do it again.

STAR OF THE WEEK: LISA WHELCHEL

Lisa might not be playing a hardcore game, but the sweet old lady is pretty well-positioned and probably won't be a target for a long time. She's got a bit more spring in her step since the merge, and stumbling into a deal with Malcolm was the best thing for her. Penner has predicted she'll make the final three, guess we'll just have to watch this space.

Philippines Episode 6: The Hunger Games

With their numbers dwindling, Kalabaw know they can't afford to go to tribal council again. Especially Katie, who knows she is bottom of the totem pole. The girl lost her whole alliance in one episode last week, that's gotta suck. Katie and Denise talk and they think that Penner has the idol, so maybe it makes sense to go after him.

On Tandang, Artis is complaining that Mike eats too much rice. Pete calls him the most useless player to ever return to Survivor. Harsh, he's not even the most useless player to return to Survivor this season (sorry, Russell).

A groin-grabbingly good contest

The reward challenge is to roll a big ball into a goal on a muddy field. Pete and Carter grapple, as do Lisa and Denise, leaving Penner and Skupin to roll the ball. When Penner gets a hold of Skupin's crotch, it becomes apparent no-one is going anywhere any time soon. It continues at a standstill for an hour, then Carter and Penner try to make a last-gasp burst. When that fails, Penner tries to negotiate a deal. He offers to give Tandang all their rice if they give them the reward. Birthday boy Artis isn't happy with the deal because he wants to win, but Mike decides to go along with it and Jeff calls the challenge off. The challenge designer has to take a good long look at himself that this was allowed to happen.

Artis is pissed he doesn't get a birthday treat

So Kalabaw get a picnic at the beach. Brownies, big sandwiches...looks delicious. Enjoy the meal guys, it might be the last one you get for a while. They also get letters from home. Man, I bet if the other tribe knew that was at stake, they would've put up more of a fight at the negotiation.

The mood at Tandang is pretty low and it quickly becomes apparent the extra rice isn't enough to placate them. Artis is seething and can't even talk to Mike in case he says something he'll regret. He also blasts RC for being Mike's lapdog. RC is playing the victim again, saying that the Pete/Artis/Abi trio are being nasty to her. Mike doesn't really understand what he did wrong. Oh dear.

Stingray doesn't wanna play

So, as per the deal, Jonathan sets out to catch some fish for them. Remember Cook Islands? This guy is a great fisherman. But despite all his confidence and optimism it doesn't seem to go as well as he'd hoped. He dances with a stingray but fails to catch it. When he does bring in the fish, his haul is so small that Jeff Kent laughs at him. Katie and Carter are starting to get restless with the lack of food. But it's good that we've got some real survival problems in a modern-day season...we don't see these often enough.

Abi acting as cheerleader once again

At the immunity challenge, Abi takes her usual seat on the bench. She wouldn't have even had to run for this one because there's a slingshot involved. Denise and Lisa are firing balls at their tribe members to catch. Penner scores to put Kalabaw in the lead, but Pete and RC give Tandang the edge on the second round. Jeff Kent scores a couple to make it 4-2 and take his tribe one point from victory. Sensing defeat, Mike imparts some wisdom from the sidelines, telling Lisa to aim at Malcolm, and this switch up in tactics produces spectacular results as he gets them back into the challenge. Carter is getting trampled so they switch him with Jeff. He normally looks pretty spacey, but this challenge he's even more so. The lack of energy must be getting to him. Malcolm secures victory for Tandang in another topsy turvy battle. And to think he was only playing because he beat Mike at rock/paper/scissors.

Jeff Kent is eager to go back to his original plan and pushes for a Penner blindside. They know that if they don't take the opportunity to vote him out now, there might not be another one. But there are good things about keeping the veteran around too as Carter points out, like the fact he makes for a great shield. In a hilarious freudian slip, Carter asks Penner whether it should be "Katie or Penner?" I think that might just be Carter's best contribution to the season so far. Katie is suspicious when Penner tells her the vote is for Denise and she is on board to "get him the fuck outta here". The decision is now on Jeff and Carter and which way they want to swing.

At tribal council, Denise says she feels vulnerable being new girl on the block. It's worth noting that so far she has attended EVERY SINGLE TRIBAL COUNCIL IN THE GAME.

"This game sucks, Jeff" - Other Jeff

Katie also feels vulnerable because she put in another poor challenge performance. Probst asks Jonathan why he doesn't feel vulnerable and he says he doesn't want to give them a reason to take him out. The tribe all admit it's going to be a blindside because they're too chicken..sorry, smart...to tell someone to their face they're voting them out. Jonathan says if it's him getting bamboozled, he'll respect the gameplay.

So, the tribe get ready to, in Penner's words, "give someone the message loud and clear". Penner holds on to his idol, and when he sees his name comes up, I'm sure for a second he thought they'd got him. But nope, Katie is the one who gets voted out. No real surprise. So...next week - probably a merge? I hope so, seems like the only way those guys in yellow are gonna get to see tribal council.

STAR OF THE WEEK: JONATHAN PENNER

For thinking outside the box and engineering a crafty deal that not only benefited the tribe, but played to his strengths personally by placing more emphasis on himself as the provider. Jonathan has seemed a little superfluous so far being stuck on the pointless tribe, but finally we have the old Penner back.

Philippines Episode 5: Dana's Choice

Yay for small victories!

It's a cold night over on Matsing, and the last two left speculate on what is coming next. Knowing they might be absorbed, Malcolm and Denise decide to have one last look for the idol. After combing over the rice barrel again, it looks like they're gonna miss it - but Malcolm grabs it and takes it for himself. Some leverage at last!

The 14 players left arrive at the challenge (a reward challenge, for once!), and Jeff tells Malcolm and Denise to drop their buffs. Yep, Matsing is no more at last, and Malcolm doesn't seem sorry to see them go...he spits on his buff after taking it off. The two draw for new tribes: Malcolm picks yellow, Denise picks red. Tandang react the happier tribe, not surprising given their physical advantage.

Artis is king of the ring

Anyway, the challenge is simple enough - two people in a ring, trying to knock over eachother's statue. Jeff beats Malcolm to take the first point. Artis takes on Dana in the biggest mismatch of the round and obviously wins. Katie beats Lisa, and Skupin manages to pull off a slick move to beat Penner, which is to toss his statue in the air and go all-out. Which is exactly what Denise does to win the next point against RC. Pete beats Carter, and Abi beats Dawson, despite Dawson grabbing her hair. "Don't play like a bitch" she says. It comes down to Malcolm and Jeff, and Malcolm copies Mike's trick to take home the snacks for his new tribe.

Malcolm is making a big impression already, starting fire, bonding with his teammates. Pete in particular seems very taken with his new bro-dude. RC is disappointed, because she knows she would've had a better chance at digging herself out of her hole had it been Denise. Pete is very forthcoming with the info to Malcolm, even telling him that him and Abi have an immunity idol. He wants to get rid of Skupin who has been annoying him, and with an extra guy, he's now expendable.

Can't believe I went a whole week
without a gratuitous RC shot

It looks like neither of the former Matsing are gonna be in trouble. Over on Kalabaw, Katie is thinking of trying to get Denise on her side and do a girl power thing. Shortly after saying this though, it becomes clear that Dana's condition is rapidly deteriorating and she may have to leave the game. Jonathan tells Dana to get naked - Sorry Penner, she doesn't swing that way!

Dana hits a low point

So Jeff Probst visits camp, causing Dawson to have a fangirl orgasm, and tells Dana that the medic is leaving the final decision with her, as her condition is not life-threatening, but she's clearly in a lot of pain. Dana decides she's had enough, and says goodbye to the whole tribe. She's in tears, and so are all the girls. Penner gets flashbacks to Micronesia. So as Dana leaves by boat, Katie reflects on how it affects her game - negatively, of course.

So now we proceed to the immunity challenge, which seems a little absurd to me, as I didn't think their schedule allowed for two boots in an episode. There was a little scene right before Probst's explanation where a massive fly flew right into RC's and Pete's faces, which was hilarious and I can't believe they kept it in. The challenge is a proper Army-style assault course, and everyone is taking part except perpetual sit-out Abi. Carter leaps over the ditch and makes great time, but is held back by the rest of his tribe, particularly Katie, who is already being hounded by Probst for doing terrible. When it comes to the drawbridge, Carter and Denise are able to pull it back for Kalabaw against RC and Artis. Malcolm manages to do the chopping section faster than Jeff Kent, who tires out and has to have Penner finish it off. On the puzzle, Dawson and Penner look to be working against eachother rather than with eachother...and as a result, Tandang win immunity by seconds!

The blame has to fall on the two girls who screwed up the challenge - Dawson and Katie. Dawson reassures Katie but provides no comfort on her challenge performance, telling her outright she sucked. After Jeff Kent helps swing Denise over to be the guys' 4th, it becomes apparent it'll be one of them, but who? Jeff Kent has picked up on Dawson talking about baseball a lot to make him squirm and may use that as a reason to get rid of her.

At tribal council, they talk about the impact that Dana's medevac left on the game. Dawson calls her the heart of the tribe and Penner says he doubts they would even be here if they'd had a fully-fit Dana competing. So the question of Katie's performance comes up again, and she owns up to her suckitude but hopes she's done enough elsewhere to be safe. We'll find out soon if she is.

Dawson gives Probst the look of love

The votes come back and poor Dawson gets blindsided...seems she thought they were voting out Denise. After a very sad torch snuff, Dawson lingers for a while. Will she rat out Jeff Kent? No, it seems she was just after a hug from Jeff Probst. Her little crush on him was adorable and one of the best subplots of the episode.

I'm gonna miss Dawson, she seemed like she had the potential to be really fun. In her final words, she vows to make Jeff Kent buy her a motorcycle if he wins. So, down to twelve now, and that episode really threw a wrench in Kalabaw. Can they pull it back? Will Malcolm and Denise be able to integrate themselves in their new tribes? And when does the jury start?

STAR OF THE WEEK: MALCOLM FREBERG

Look at him, decked out in his new colors! Everyone on Tandang wants Malcolm to be their best friend right now, and he has options out the wazoo. Can't wait until he re-teams with Denise at the merge and they compare notes.

Philippines Episode 4: Hanging By A Thread

The tribe is down to to three...but this isn't day 39, right before tribal council...this is day nine. What happened? And as they sit around in the rain and try to get their fire going again, Malcolm and Denise are both well aware that things couldn't be going much worse. Russell is optimistic though, he wants the three of them to stage the greatest comeback ever.

Like Russell Hantz, without the charisma

Tandang are also feeling the rain and need Artis to restart their fire. Pete wants to start a little drama and does so by putting the idol clue under RC's bag, which causes Abi to flip out and accuse her of lying. "I don't want people to play their game, I want them to play my game" says Pete. Wise words.

Carter catches a clam whilst the boys are out fishing. The three of them are now in alliance, Carter and Jeff Kent having done a complete 180 on their original stance and now wanting to work with Jonathan because he has the idol. Meanwhile, the girls know they're being discussed right now and are on the outs. Dana is all for a girl alliance, and trying to pick up some more girls after the merge.

Dawson, Dana and Katie show there's no such thing as
the weaker sex

Malcolm talks about how Russell has lived up to his low expectations and that he lacks self-awareness. Right now he seems to lack any kind of awareness, given that his search for the idol is proving ineffective and that he can't shake the feeling he's been past it a thousand times - which he has. Denise catches Russell looking and tells Malcolm she thinks he has it. They go through his stuff when he's out of the shelter but find nothing.

Lisa wants to play peacemaker

Meanwhile, Abi refuses to even hear RC out about cluegate. It sucks for her, because she thought she was doing well, and now she knows she's on the chopping block. What a shock that the most forced alliance in Survivor history didn't even hold up for one vote. Lisa wants to diffuse the tension, but Abi is not an easy animal to tame.

Photo finish: time stands still as Kalabaw await their fate

The immunity challenge takes place in a muddy arena surrounded by rice fields, and involves carrying pots over an obstacle course using scales and then breaking them with a wrecking ball. To make the challenge three vs three, Tandang and Kalabaw bench all their women, which Russell is not happy about. Malcolm gets off to a quick start whilst Carter stumbles and breaks a pot. Matsing are still in the lead by the time it comes to Russell's turn, an unprecedented turn of events. Pete takes Tandang into the lead, but Matsing can still snatch a second place providing Malcolm can do a good job smashing pots. Artis does great with the wrecking ball and easily wins the challenge for Tandang. Malcolm and Jeff Kent are facing off in a real close one, but Kalabaw pull it out.

Once again, Russell does not hide his frustration cursing everything, even the sky. Probst tries to talk some sense into him, telling him he's "just a guy", not a superhero. But Russell says he expects excellence from himself. Regardless, Tandang bring home the steak and Kalabaw get a nice tarp. Matsing get nothing except a date with Probst for the fourth time in a row.

Out in the ocean, Malcolm tells Russell to vote Denise and "keep the two athletes" . He's not planning on turning on Denise, but the two of them need Russell to feel comfortable in case he has an idol. Russell opens up to Denise, telling her a story about turning the tables on a bully when he was a kid and how it taught him not to be afraid. Only on Survivor would you get sad piano music accompanying the sentence "Then I punched him in the face".

Denise is showered with praise

At tribal council, all three of them acknowledge that on a tribe this small, there's only really so many ways you can go (hint: two), so they're all telling eachother different things. Probst gives them all a chance to make case for themselves or against someone else. Russell plays the experience card. Malcolm is called out as a long-term physical threat, whereas Denise is called out as a social threat. Anyway, time to vote and find out who's lying to who. Could it be Russell's swan song?

The final vote: 1 vote Malcolm, 2 votes Russell. "Ugh" is Russell's reaction and he is sent packing. The poor guy seems to take it very hard, and says in his final words "Me and Survivor do not agree. I think I'm done with this". Malcolm and Denise's deadly duo are sent back to camp, ready to take whatever is thrown at them next.

STAR OF THE WEEK: ARTIS SILVESTER

He's had one confessional all season, but silent predator Artis is doing a great job on his tribe, what with starting the fire and smashing pots like nobody's business. Plus I really didn't want to give it to Pete.

Philippines Episode 3: Tough Ain't Enough

Angie comes back from tribal council a little pissed at Roxanne, but claims she trusts everyone left - famous last words? Russell thinks the Malcolm/Angie alliance is very real and a real threat. Two votes on a tribe of 4 means they only need one more.

Abi's paranoia gives RC a headache

Abi is too tired to look for the idol like RC wants. She's worried her knee injury is making her a liability, and  RC's reassurance isn't helping her. Abi goes behind RC's back and tells Pete about the idol clue. Pete goes to Lisa, telling her he wants to save her from the chopping block, and asks her if she would consider voting against Mike. Lisa will do anything it takes to stay. "Tell me what to do" she says. I guess the dynamics on Tandang are more complex than they first appear.

On Kalabaw, Jeff Kent is wondering where the top of the rice lid has gone. After discussing it with Carter and Dawson, Carter speaks up for the first time and says it might have been the idol. Jeff immediately assumes that Jonathan has it, as he thinks only a veteran would be that savvy. He's mad that they could've been so stupid as to not notice.

Matsing wake up to find their raft has been taken by the tide. Man, they fail at everything. Malcolm and Denise, the real power couple that no-one has discovered, discuss the next boot, and Denise makes the first of probably many "Malcolm in the middle" jokes.

Skupin shrugs off his stigmata

At the #immunitychallenge, the three tribes are tasked with diving underwater to unhook puzzle pieces. Abi sits out again because of her knee. Didn't there used to be a rule against that? Anyway, Dana takes Kalabaw into the lead by grabbing the puzzle piece with her feet. Angie starts lagging behind for Matsing, who then have further problems when Russell struggles to climb the ladder. Skupin has broken Tandang's goggles and starts bleeding from the face. Denise retrieves a piece in record time. RC goes back in the water to do three in a row. Russell dives down for a piece but can't get it, so he hands over to Malcolm and Denise, who do alternating shifts. It comes down to the puzzle, and all three are soon in with a shot. Penner helps Kalabaw get there first, winning immunity and a fishing kit. Tandang get it second, just ahead of Matsing.

Uneasy alliance

For the first time in the season, we get to see the victorious tribes after the challenge. On Kalabaw, Penner confronts Jeff and confirms his suspicions he has the idol to try and gain some trust from him. The two agree to an alliance, but Kent only shakes with four fingers, which is not what he calls a manly handshake.

On Tandang, Artis is pissed they didn't win and that Skupin broke the goggles. Hmm, ok.

From idle to idol

Anyway, it's just enough for Pete to be able to get him on board with booting Mike first. As RC and Mike look for clams, Pete and Abi are tearing the camp up looking for the idol. Abi then decides to check the rice lid and squeals when she finds out what it is. So now Abi and Pete have an idol and enough numbers to boot Mike. Their first tribal council is gonna be very interesting.

Denise and Malcolm discuss how much the other two sucked, and Angie wants to make it clear she didn't give up, she just let Denise take over because she was better. Russell, looking rather dejected, is praying. He's not willing to give up, either.

Still in it to win it

At tribal council, Malcolm explains how he's gone from frustration to dejection. He doesn't beat around the bush and calls out Russell and Angie for underperforming. When Angie has a go at Russell, Russell hits back hard. He talks about how Angie isn't ready for the 30 days left, and asks "are you ready to put your life on the line, little girl?". It works, as Angie crumbles under the attack and starts crying. Anyway, it's time to vote, and Russell apologises for making Angie cry but says "that's the game". Angie votes for Russell. But which way are Malcolm and Denise gonna go, that's the question.

The votes are for Angie, and she really can go out with her head held high. Like Malcolm said, she was thrust into a role that wasn't meant for her and is outperforming most of the other tribe's girls (looking at you, Abi). But will clipping the weak link be enough to stop the slide? Surely these guys will be put out of their misery soon, right? Russell is emotionless as he heads back to camp, basically a dead man walking.

STAR OF THE WEEK: DENISE STAPLEY

Denise put in a great shift in the challenge and along with Malcolm, is running her almost-dead tribe and making smart decisions. Her performance is the one reason I'm not gonna give up on Matsing completely.