One World Episode 1: Diplomacy And Dirty Tricks

Adorable Kourtney already looks out of her depth

Jeff Probst introduces a brand new season with a brand new format from his helicopter, which he almost falls out of. The castaways arrive on truck, and introduce themselves. Crazy old guy Greg asks to be called Tarzan, which steps on the toes of Swimsuit photographer Troy, who wanted to go by the nickname Troyzan. When Jeff divides the tribes into men and women, superfan Colton's jaw drops. He's not happy about it - as an open homosexual, he feels he's "the girl on the guy's tribe".

The Survivors get 60 seconds to unload everything off the truck they can. Amidst the mad scramble, Michael sees an opportunity to take stuff from the women's pile, and ends up pinching an axe. How no-one noticed until after the fact, I have no idea. Alicia calls out the guys for cheating, but they feign ignorance.

Regardless, both tribes take maps to their camps. They don't realize yet that they're both going to the same place. Leif, the smallest guy, ends up carrying the biggest load. Who planned that? Meanwhile, Alicia is playing hard on the girls' tribe, already forming an alliance of who she thinks are the five strongest girls - her, Chelsea, Kim, Sabrina and Kat. Playing the game hard already, I like it. It's the only way to play!

Confusion and disappointment is the reaction when the two tribes meet up. Particularly from Jonas, but he looks like he gets confused a lot. Chickens are roaming around camp...Chelsea agrees to split them with the men, but goes back on her word when she ends up catching both of them. Matt is pissed. But to be fair, they stole an axe.

The frat boy alliance

Colton doesn't fit in with the guys, so he goes over and introduces himself to the girls. Matt sees this and doesn't like it. The dominant alliance on Manono is shaping up to be Matt, Michael, Bill and Jay. Colton tells the girls the only way he's going to stay in the game is if he gets an idol, so asks them to bear that in mind for if they find one.

It may be called One World, but there's still a clear divide between the two tribes, generally keeping themselves to themselves. Jay likes the segregation. A few of the men get a fire going. Sabrina walks into the guys' camp, like a hostage negotiator, and offers to trade a chicken for fire. Matt says no, because he thinks they're entitled to the chicken anyway. Him and Mike are working hard to try and out-douchebag eachother.

Tarzan roars - the girls think this guy is running the show?

None of the girls' offers entice the men - not even Monica poledancing. So, that night, Christina and Monica attempt a covert operation to sneak into the men's camp and grab fire. The operation is a success, but they are unable to get anything consistent to start.

Sensing the rest of the girls are too proud to do so, Christina goes over to the men and makes a deal - they'll weave them some palm fronds if the men give them fire. Alicia isn't really happy with the deal, and is especially unhappy with what she thinks is Christina playing the other side.

Sabrina hits the jackpot

Sabrina finds an idol in a tree stump. But here's the kicker - it can only be used by someone on the Manono tribe! Sabrina knows choosing the right person to give it to could be crucial, and knows that Colton is the obvious choice. She tells Colton she has it, but doesn't give it him yet.



The first challenge involves a dangerous drop. The survivors are instructed to free fall

Dead man's drop: This sure looks like a dangerous challenge

and keep their arms close to their chest to avoid injury. A few of them take hard hits, but none more than Kourtney. The men go into the balance beam with a one person lead, and their lead extends further as they start piling across. Kourtney seems to be really struggling with her wrist, so Jeff stops the challenge. Dr Paloma says her arm is broken and will need to be X-rayed.

So Kourtney leaves the arena and Jeff gives the guys a choice - they can take immunity and send the girls to tribal council, or they can play the rest of the challenge. After discussing it, the guys decide to take immunity. This surprises some of the girls - they figured that competitive streak would make them want to play on. Troyzan does a really bad job of justifying the decision. There's no way around it, they bottled it. But it might have been the smart thing to do. Imagine if they'd played on and lost - it would've looked like the stupidest decision ever.

Sabrina talks to Colton, who thinks he is the swingvote between the meatheads and the oddballs. Sabrina tries to encourage him to target one if the big guys, and hands him her idol. "I love you" he says. Maybe Jesus is smiling on you after all, Colton! This is bound to stir some shit up.

Sabrina tells the rest of the girls that even if Kourtney comes back, they still vote her out, because she won't be much use with an injured wrist. Alicia has other ideas though, and wants the tribe to know that Christina should go.

At tribal council, Alicia and Christina get into it pretty good over the specifics of the fire deal. Christina loses her cool and yells at Alicia to shut up. Jeff points out how fractured the women's tribe is, and then tells them that Kourtney has been removed from the game and nobody else is going home. He could've told them this at the start, but then he wouldn't have stirred up such delicious drama.

And there's surely more drama to come. Will the women be able to pull it together? How will Colton's immunity idol throw a wrench in the boys' plans? All will be revealed over the next few weeks.

STAR OF THE WEEK: CHRISTINA CHA

When it comes to Christina vs Alicia (the "battle of the boobs", as I'm calling it), I'm team Christina all the way. Without her, the girls would still be unable to heat their own water. Stay strong girl, you have nothing to be ashamed of. For putting her business sense to good use, she becomes my first star of the week.

Gender wars: the story so far

Men vs women is not a new twist to Survivor. The original battle of the sexes was Amazon, and that ended up being a victory for the women, as spoiled brat Jenna Morasca flirted and flaunted her way to the Million. Then came Vanuatu, where it started out as a blowout for the women, but Chris came back from 6-1 down to win the game against all odds. Who will come out on top in One World? Hard to say. There have been more male winners on Survivor than female. The last time a first boot was not female was all the way back in Micronesia. But based on the last two times Survivor used this twist, here's a list of some things to expect.

1. First blood to the women

Both times, the first challenge has been won by the women. In Amazon, it was down to overconfidence by the men. After spending the whole first episode talking themselves up and saying how easy it's gonna be, the arrogant brutes got struck with a huge dose of karma and ended up eating crow. In Vanuatu, it was actually Chris who lost it for the men when just like his predecessors he struggled on the balance beam. Lucky for the men, the first challenge in One World does not look to contain a balance beam, but does seem to require some agility.

Will Kat prove that white girls can jump?

2. Someone will get naked

One of the defining moments of Amazon, and Survivor in general, is when winner Jenna Morasca and her buddy Heidi took their clothes off for chocolate and peanut butter, which delighted the men. In Vanuatu, Julie used her ass to stay in the game. It's an age-old trick, but it always works. There's a lot of attractive women on this season, and Alicia strikes me as someone who's capable of playing men.

Christina's ready to show off what she's got

3. The bigger they are, the harder they fall

Amazon's Misogynist Roger thought he was in control of the game but got a well-deserved comeuppance when Alex, Rob and Matthew flipped to the women to blindside him. Truly one of the most satisfying eliminations in Survivor history. Sarge from Vanuatu certainly had a miserable time after the game got flipped on him, barely containing his venom in his last few days before elimination. Wannabe villians like Michael and Matt, look out! Guys like these never win, and it's going to fun watching them fail.

Michael's heading for a downfall

4. They're not afraid to mix it up

What kept Amazon interesting? That the boot order wasn't static. It only stayed men vs women for a short while, Rob Cesternino and others were more than happy to jump ship and betray their own gender when needed. Jenna and Heidi turned on their mother hen Deena too. Even Sarge offered Twila and Julie final five (although they didn't reciprocate the sentiment). After two seasons of Pagongings, One World needs the chance to add some variety.

Asian alliance? Plus a second appearance from Christina's boobs

5. Stunt casting does well

Curious as to how Leif will do? Odds are he'll at least make the jury. Both gender wars seasons also had a unique character - Chad Crittenden, a man with one leg, who came 8th, and Christy Smith, a deaf girl, who came 6th. So, it's perfectly possible for him to do well. Hopefully he doesn't receive the same treatment as the last disabled contestant on the show, Kelly Bruno of Nicaragua.

Small guy, big ambitions

3 days left until One World begins!

One World in one word

What can first impressions tell you? Not much, considering last season I thought Cochran was going to be good and Sophie wasn't. But here they are anyway:


MANONO TRIBE (MEN)

BILL (The comedian)

"I've physically put myself to the test and have been put to the test more than most."
He's the new: Sean Rector
One word: Funny

COLTON (The homosexual)

"If I'm still in the game when they stab me in the back, I will definitely get even. I can be your best friend, but also your worst nightmare."
He's the new: John Cochran
One word: Whiny

GREG (The plastic surgeon)

"There's nothing that can pertube me. I'm fine with just about anything you can dream of."
He's the new: Rupert Boneham
One word: Crazy

JAY (The model)

"I'm not the macho man trying to walk around and dominate everybody, I'm just chill, down-to-Earth, loving."
He's the new: Brendan Synnott
One word: Overrated

JONAS (The sushi chef)

"I think being a sushi chef - it's not real threatening. Like if I'd said I was an Olympic triathlete or whatever, that might be a little intimidating"
He's the new: Bruce Kanegai
One word: Likeable

LEIF (The little person)

"I think my fellow castmates will definitely underestimate me, and that's when they're in trouble. They won't even know what hit 'em."
He's the new: Chad Crittenden
One word: Underdog

MATT (The Lawyer)

"I wanna be remembered as the nice guy that got along with people that would cut your throat the minute he needed to."
He's the new: Albert Destrade
One word: Boring

MICHAEL (The banker)

"The number one thing I'll do is just get all the women on my side."
He's the new: Marcus Lehman
One word: Jerk

TROYZAN (The photographer)

"I'm pretty funny. I like to goof around a lot. I'll probably do some tribal dances around the fire."
He's the new: Benjamin Wade
One word: Epic


SALANI TRIBE (WOMEN)


ALICIA (The Latina)

"I think I know how to manipulate men really well. Homeboys tell me they fall in love with me way too quickly."
She's the new: Stephanie Valencia
One word: Feisty

CHELSEA (The country girl)

"I just like to have fun. I figure the harder you work, the harder you can play."
She's the new: Whitney Duncan
One word: Hot

CHRISTINA (The businesswoman)

"I'm not your quintessential Asian girl. I'm not too serious, I'm silly, I'm sassy."
She's the new: Edna Ma
One word: Goofy

KAT (The blonde cutie)

"I'm really friendly, I'm a big family person. I love adventure."
She's the new: Andrea Boehlke
One word: Sweet

KIM (The hippie lady)

"I'm really quirky. I love to tell people what animal they look like, and sometimes that doesn't go over well."
She's the new: Sarita White
One word: Laid-back

KOURTNEY (The rebel)

"I'm a mechanic. I'm covered in grease all the time, so I don't feel very girly"
She's the new: Jessica Smith
One word: Fodder

MONICA (The cougar)

"Whatever it is you need, I wear the hat. I can be Florence Nightingale if you need me to be."
She's the new: Kristina Kell
One word: Confident

NINA (The cop)

"It's never too late to chase your dreams and live outside your comfort zone."
She's the new: Jill Behm
One word: Tough

SABRINA (The teacher)

"I'm here to bring harmony to the camp, bring some kind of entertainment - but don't let it fool you, I'm also a competitor."
She's the new: Francesca Hogi
One word: Snarky


PRE-SEASON WINNERS PICK, IN ONE WORD: Jonas

Hottest Survivor girls

With the news that One World will be split into men vs women I decided it's time to get superficial and dedicate a post to the most attractive ladies to ever play the game. With 23 seasons to choose from, you better believe there were some hard cuts. But here's what I came up with:

15. Candice Woodcock (Cook Islands)

Probably the most conventionally attractive girl on the list, but attractive she is. It's not just her smile and pretty face that makes her stand out, but she has a great bikini body too. You can see what Billy Garcia saw in her.

14. Darrah Johnson (Pearl Islands)

She's not really conventionally attractive and I can't understand half of the words she says, but there's something about her, and her body looked great in the bathing scene.

13. Cecila Mansilla (Cook Islands)

Such a cutie. It's been far too long since we've had a smoking hot latina on the show. Hopefully next season will deliver!

12. Elyse Umemoto (South Pacific)

Her Pocahontas looks, cutesy demeanor and rocking body get her on this list. Which shouldn't be any surprise, given she's won titles for her beauty. Part-Japanese, part-Latina and part-Native American indian, it's a perfect combination that makes her a cocktail of hotness.

11. Erinn Lobdell (Tocantins)

She has a geeky appeal in-game working the glasses, but out of the game it will amaze you how beautiful she is. For being the master of two different looks, Erinn deserves a spot.

10. Ashley Trainer (Samoa)

I had two very good reasons for putting Ashley on this list. But she has a very pretty face too which is often overlooked in favour of her glorious rack.

9. Mikayla Wingle (South Pacific)

Another South Pacific hottie that left early. Brandon may not have loved you, but I do. All that working out playing lingerie football has definitely paid off and given her a very athletic body. The above photo isn't the only time she's ditched the bra either, so be sure check out her Playboy shoot.

8. Jenna Morasca (Amazon)

An old-school babe that can still hold her own with the new breed. Luckily for us, she isn't shy about showing off her body. Not only did she strip for chocolate and peanut butter on the show, she also bared all for Playboy alongside her buddy Heidi.

7. Natalie Tenerelli (Redemption Island)

I have a love/hate relationship with Miss Tenerelli. As much as her gameplay sucked on Redemption Island, there's no denying she's adorably cute. She has the best ass on the show hands down - and can do the splits!

6. Michelle Yi (Fiji)

This Asian pixie is so, so cute. She was a ray of sunshine on her season and a real treat for the eyes. So sweet. So innocent. So undeserving of my impure thoughts.

5. Amanda Kimmel (China)

Maybe the most "beautiful" on the list. She was a pageant winner, after all! The Survivor three-timer is blessed with a pretty face and has a gorgeous body as well. Was a serious contender for #1, but I knocked her down a bit as she does have her plain moments.

4. Monica Padilla (Samoa)

Monica rocks that purple bikini like no other and her exotic beauty combined with a great body gets her top 5.

3. Stephanie Valencia (Redemption Island)

The bias towards recent seasons is not intentional, so much as expected. Survivor girls are getting prettier. Stephanie may come in a little package but she's a feisty firecracker with a great ass.

2. Parvati Shallow (Cook Islands)

Parvati once again overshadows Amanda as well as mini-Parvati Steph, and there's just something about her that oozes sexiness. It's not just her looks that make her a Survivor legend, but her charming persona. Such a seductress, she can make any man fall in love with her.

1. Brenda Lowe (Nicaragua)

This stunning bi-racial beauty takes genetic make-up from a diverse range of hotness and is pretty much the perfect woman. Part of what contributes to her placement is her confidence and flirtatious nature - she's irresistible!