Philippines Episode 2: Lovely Bunch Of Coconuts

Knowing he had a lucky escape, Russell is planning to step back and give everyone else a chance to put themselves on the chopping block. Malcolm and Angie might just do that, as they snuggle up together at night. Although Angie insists there's nothing between them and Malcolm insists he's not going to get "booty blinded", Roxanne has noticed them and is unconvinced. "It's a literal booby trap" she zings, and vows to split the pair up.

Angie and Malcolm make themselves warm

Pretty sure it's not in RC's bra - but I wouldn't mind checking!

RC checks Tandang's rice to see if it's soaked, and finds the idol clue. She shares it with just Abi for now. RC seems to be hoping Abi will be her number 1 ally, but the Brazilian is already confronting her about her closeness with Mike which might make her want to reconsider. This is what you get when you make alliances with people before you get to know them.

This is how you find an idol, girls

Jeff and Dawson make a checkers board to keep them entertained in the rain. Penner however is still obsessing over the idol and when everyone else goes to the cave, he uses the opportunity to search the camp. Dana and Dawson come back for the flint and catch him looking, but he fools them by making up a bullshit story about how his contact lens fell out. Just when Penner is about to give up, he has a brainwave and figures out that the idol is on the rice barrel. He's so happy he grins with relief and then skips past Dana.

Roxanne tells Russell about the love connection on the Matsing tribe. She starts pushing Denise to take Angie out, but Denise doesn't want to go against Malcolm, who she's aligned with. On Tandang, the rest of the tribe think Lisa is looking for the idol, when really she's just sitting by the well crying about her inability to connect with her tribe. Back on Matsing, Roxanne is praying and appears to be speaking in tongues.

Penner dives in with the save

The second immunity challenge gets underway. The task is to use a sled to collect puzzle pieces and then solve the puzzle. Sounds easy, but it's actually a real drag, no pun intended. Skupin and Pete gets things started to give Tandang a lead with Russell and Angie trailing in last place for Matsing. Russell and Angie end up having to do a double shift that really takes its toll on them. Jeff and Penner do the puzzle for their tribe but refuse to listen to their caller Dana. Lisa has more success and manages to guide her tribe to a victory, winning immunity and blankets. Matsing manage to come back into it, but it's too late, as Kalabaw scramble across the finish line first, leading to a Russell tantrum. He calls out Angie and Roxanne for not stepping up, and they all head back to camp, knowing that they're going to tribal council for a second time.

Flirting with disaster?

Russell wants to keep his little informant Roxanne, and tries to sway Denise, who is the swing vote tonight. Denise has reservations about Roxanne - her work ethic around camp, her trustworthiness - but is open to changing her mind. At tribal council, Roxanne brings up that she thinks her tribe are working too hard and not conserving energy for the challenge, but Denise disagrees. When Jeff asks Angie what she would change about the tribe, she says "more cookies". This unleashes the wrath of Jeff as he doesn't like it when you give cop out answers to his juicy questions. Malcolm defends Angie and then has to defend himself by denying his closeness with her.

It's time to vote, and there's really no love lost between Angie and Roxanne, as the bubbly blonde says "I can't stand you and I won't miss you" as she casts her exclamation point-laden vote. The votes fall on Roxanne, and she smiles as her torch is snuffed. And at this rate it seems like the rest of Matsing will follow her shortly. They may be one of the most entertaining tribes in a long time, but also one of the least successful. Is there any hope for them to avoid becoming the new Ulong?

STAR OF THE WEEK: ROXANNE MORRIS

I liked Roxy a lot and wish she had stayed. The "literal booby trap" line was the quote of the week, and I liked seeing some fire from her. I do have a feeling her prediction about Malcolm and Angie taking over the tribe will come to pass.

Philippines Episode 1: Old Habits Die Hard

We start, as always, with Island shots. But these aren't the Samoan Islands we've come to know and love, this is finally a brand new location, the Philippines. Jeff rides his jet ski to a boat containing 15 new castaways, including two "celebrities"  (baseball douchebag Jeff Kent and 80s has-been Lisa Whelchel) and tattooed redneck Zane, who seems bizarrely enamored with Frankenstein. "But what they don't know is three former castaways are returning for a second time" says Jeff...forgetting to mention that Jonathan Penner has already played twice.

The new group begin their voyage

When Jeff greets the newbies, one of the first questions he asks Roxanne is what's the worst thing she's seen on the show. She mentions Russell Swan's medevac and lo and behold, here comes the man himself. The returnees are given their tribe assignment and told to start grabbing stuff off the boat and get on a raft.

"10 seconds!" says Probst. "Until what?" says Penner. "Until you get off this boat. C'mon Penner, you've played this game before". I love watching these two bicker. In the scramble, Jeff Kent falls over and hurts himself, losing a lot of their stuff. Carter manages to rescue a chicken in the nick of time, but it's still not a great haul for Kalabaw, and Kent is already worried that his injury is making him vulnerable.

The first thing Russell does when he gets to the beach is say that he doesn't want to be the leader. He's waiting for someone else to take that poisoned chalice. His tribe don't seem too impressed with him, but creepy Malcolm gives Angie the order to "do what he wants" for now. Malcolm proves himself around the camp by helping Russell make fire. He's happy to give him credit for that, because it takes the target off him.

Kalabaw touch down

On Kalabaw, Jeff Kent is struggling, but doing his best not to show it. When Penner leaves the rest of the tribe alone to go talk about how much fun he's having and how he's happy to be back, Jeff takes the chance to propose that Penner be the first boot, because he already had his shot. That's what I like about this cast, they're not willing to just give the returnee a free ride like past seasons may have done.

Now we join up with the third tribe, Tandang, arriving on their beach. Banker RC (though she's telling no-one) is getting on really well with Abi, and they decide to bring in Pete and Mike to form a majority. Skupin is happy to have an alliance, but it's already clear to him the younger kids have plans of their own and he's fourth.

Abi pulling the oldest trick in the book

Dana wants to align with Jeff Kent because of their Southern connection. An odd mix considering Jeff is supposedly a notorious homophobe. Dawson sits and watches Kent talk about his fictional motor business. She knows who he is, although the rest of the tribe don't seem to. She's going to keep that information tucked away until it becomes valuable.

Lisa and RC ride the wave

Lisa is trying her best to fit in with the younger crowd, but it's tough for her. RC is already throwing her name around as someone untrustworthy just because she's an easy target. Mike likes Lisa, and in fact recognises her from her TV days. He tells her this in private at night, and suggests she reveal it in the hopes it'll give her some star power, but she still seems reluctant.

Denise is curious about Zane, and the two align. In fact, Zane is making alliances with everyone on the tribe and has deluded himself into thinking he's some kind of mastermind. He goes up to Russell and Malcolm and admits he has aligned with everyone, and Malcolm rats him out to Denise. They're such an odd pair, but they look like they're going to cause some damage. They even have their own secret handshake.

Mike Skupin is getting injured again already and RC and Artis are concerned. Cuts on his head, foot and hand....going by this, it's easy to see how this klutz got medevaced the first time. "Wait til we have fire" smirks Pete.

Penner making mischief again

Kalabaw are taking shelter in their cave from the rain. Penner is absent, and Jeff Kent is pretty damn sure he's off looking for the immunity idol. He's right. After going all over camp, he looks in the box of rice and finds a clue, which tells him it's hidden in plain sight. Meanwhile on Matsing, Russell is also going through his rice and manages to find the clue by accident. He discreetly tucks it away but Zane manages to spy him reading it. And from their subsequent conversation, Zane is pretty confident Russell has the actual thing.

It's challenge time! The tribes are told to split up into three pairs of three, and each pair will tackle a different section...the obstacle course in the jungle, swimming out on a raft to dive down for a chest, and assembling the puzzle inside. Russell decides to take charge of assigning his tribe's tasks, and gives Angie the puzzle, despite her protests. The dumb blonde on the part that requires brainpower? Recipe. For. Disaster.

Russell directs his troops

RC and Artis give Tandang the lead early on, leaving Russell and Zane in second place despite Zane having to be yelled at and literally dragged when he fell behind. How Dana and Katie managed to do worse than them, I do not know, but Jeff and Carter manage to overtake Denise and Malcolm on the rafting, whilst Pete and Skupin extend Tandang's lead. When it comes to the puzzle, it ends up a tight contest with Penner and Dawson edging out Abi and Lisa to give Kalabaw victory. Matsing were a distant third. Russell owns up to his error, but Malcolm is still mad he didn't listen to his tribe.

Angie is watching Zane's back

Russell is in the middle of offering his apologies when Zane pipes up to point out to everyone how much he sucked. Um ok. While this at first seems like a quit, Zane later claims it was part of his master plan to test if he was really running the show and expects everyone to beg him to stay. Angie really does want Zane to stay though, because she thinks he's funny and she feels Russell was trying to throw her under the bus. Zane tells Malcolm that he thinks Russell has an idol. How will this affect the vote?

At tribal council, Probst asks Zane to assess the double-edged sword that is having a returnee on your tribe, and he makes a bizarre onion analogy. Russell explains how he slipped back into leadership mode when he shouldn't have, and says he would be devastated to have come back just to be the first one out. The tribe go up to vote, and the wonderfully deluded Zane is surprised when it is his name called and not Russell's. What a character, he sure managed to pack in a lot of fail for just one episode. So Russell gets a reprieve and goes back to enjoy his second chance on his second chance.

STAR OF THE WEEK: ROBERTA "R.C." SAINT-AMOUR

There were lots of stars this episode but this one took me by surprise. A strong, aggressive, smart player that got herself quickly in a good spot, she has great enthusiasm and looked dominant in the challenge. RC has far exceeded my expectations and has already earned her spots.

Philippines new cast power rankings

Good luck, vets. Try not to die this time

The cast for Philippines is out! Not gonna lie, I'm a little disappointed. A lot of these females look like the dumb follower type...probably cast to give the veterans the best possible chance of survival. But there are some bright spots and first impressions are largely useless.

First of all, the three returnees all get the thumbs up from me. Jonathan Penner is an all-time favorite of mine, he is constantly making the game interesting whilst being hilarious and bitchy, and the other two are both cool guys that were cut before their time, rather than overexposed "all-stars". There's something fascinating about bringing back a player who's had a 12 year absence from the game. Can he adapt to the new twists? If you're going to have returnees, then this is as solid a theme as any - bring back people who didn't finish the game properly the first time.

Roxanne rocks!

1. Roxanne Morris, the soldier [Matsing]

When she said she was in the army reserve, that was one of the few things that made me perk up and go "oh, cool". I'm definitely going to keep an eye on her, she has the most interesting backstory and could go far if she's made of real steel. There's a good chance I could be wrong and she turns out to be a dud, but I'm ranking her high for now.

2. Denise Stapley, the feminist [Matsing]

It's good to have a strong, badass woman on the show again and I loved the way she called out the "Playboy models" on her tribe. She's hilarious and I have high hopes for her.

3. Zane Knight, the redneck [Matsing]

I was immediately drawn to this guy and don't really have much to justify his high placement. I think it's just because he looks different. He just has an amusing naivete about him that I find adorable. Unintentional laughs abound!

4. Artis Silvester, the black guy [Tandang]

Looks like one of the stand out characters of the season, for sure. He's going to be a Phillip, but without Phillip levels of obnoxiousness. A likeable eccentric, like Huggy Bear.

5. Malcolm Freberg, the frat boy [Matsing]

I get mild douche vibes for Malcolm, but that's OK. At least he had a few witty things to say to make him stand out in a largely uninspiring cast.

Let's dance!

6. Abi-Maria Gomes, party girl [Tandang]

Great energy, sexy accent, but I don't think she'll have much game. "I think people are going to be very excited about looking at me and they're going to be inspired by me" she says, in adorable broken English. Inspired? No. But I'm sure I'll be excited about looking at her.

7. Sarah Dawson, sassy chick [Kalabaw]

My eyes are up here

Philippines is shaping up to be a great season for rack-watching. She didn't leave much of an impression on me but that could've been because I was distracted somehow.

8. Lisa Whelchel, the actress [Tandang]

I guess she could be fun, or maybe not. The nice, quiet old lady usually ends up just being a passenger in the game.

9. Katie Hanson, the bitch [Kalabaw]

Another Pageant girl! "I can already tell she's going to be a bitch" says Abi. She seems full of herself, but I didn't get troublemaker vibes. Although when your fellow castmate is already looking to hate you, you must be doing something right.

10. Dana Lambert, the lesbian [Kalabaw]

She seems laid-back and cool, but not a lot of fun. She lacks the competitive drive to do well in this game. Apparently she's not here for the money, but for the experience. Yawn. I could be wrong, but it seems like she's probably only on the show because she's a lesbian.

11. Jeff Kent, the baseball star [Kalabaw]

He wasn't in the cast video much, they seem to be banking on you already knowing who he is and what he's like. Which I do not. Baseball isn't my sport (making love's my sport).

RC gives Pete the brush-off

12. Roberta "RC" Saint-Amour, the glamour girl [Tandang]

A lot of these women are just blending together for me. She seems very glamorous and will probably struggle with the jungle life.

13. Pete Yurkowski, pretty boy [Tandang]

I didn't even remember this guy after looking him up. That can't be good. Seems like the usual bland alpha male that'll win a few challenges and make mid-jury.

14. Angie Layton, the airhead [Matsing]

"I will win Survivor because I'm awesome". With an argument like that, how can you doubt her? She then proceeded to spout off a bunch of generic phrases which will probably be hilarious in retrospect when she inevitably fails to live up to them. Another contestant whose bra size is higher than her IQ.

Nothing between the ears, plenty below them

15. Carter Williams, surfer boy [Kalabaw]

Oookay, so his dumb hairstyle is because his girlfriend has free reign over it? Sounds like he's set to be the most pussy-whipped contestant in the show's history. These girls are gonna chew him up and spit him out.

Survivors vs the elements

It may be a television show, but make no mistake: when it comes to the survival aspect, the show is the real deal. Sure, it may have softened a little in later years (likely a response to Nicaragua's quitter-gate) but it's far from a walk in the park. The show has left people broken, bruised, and totally spent. These are just some of the most physically demanding moments of Survivor.

The Guatemalan hike: This season cruelly set up a really brutal task right out the gate - the two tribes had to race to get to the temple in the middle of the jungle and the first one there got to make it their camp. It was a gruelling, 11-mile trek through difficult terrain with little supplies. Victims included Jim (who injured his leg and could barely walk), Blake (who caught his arm on a poisonous plant and was left vomiting) and Bobby Jon (who collapsed from fatigue). Probably the toughest challenge ever done on the show.

Forest obstacle course: Also known as "the challenge where Joel drags Chet around like a rag doll". It was almost amazing how much reckless disregard Joel had for his well-being, but the challenge was a poor idea in the first place. It was so dangerous barely anyone escaped without injury...Parvati got a swollen lip, Ami busted up her knee and Jonathan Penner received a game-ending injury.

The trials of Ravu: One of the reasons Fiji bombed so bad was the incredibly unfair twist that basically ensured one tribe would dominate and another would keep getting kicked while they were down. The Ravu tribe drew the short straw and with no supplies were so depleted they were having to resort to drink the water off leaves for moisture. How they were expected to compete in challenges when they could barely walk straight is beyond me. Rocky puts it best - "We're starving here, bro".

The Marquesan nonos: Jeff Probst is on record as calling Marquesas one of the worst locations the show has had and it was mainly down to these blood-sucking fiends ("pronounced en-oh, en-oh" as Boston Rob helpfully explains) which were excruciatingly painful and irritant. What's more, they were everywhere. But at least Maraamu were in good humour about it, dedicating a section of their morning radio show to the pests.

Survivor Schmergenbrawl: This short-lived challenge was only used twice before being banned for being too violent. It left quite a legacy though. Mike Borassi was medevaced over it, Ben was kicked out of the challenge for being an ass, Rupert smacked Jerri in the face and James almost broke his leg during it.

Saboga in the storm: OK, maybe they brought this one on themselves by constructing the worst shelter in Survivor history, but there was one particularly rough night in All-Stars that made Jerri break down and cry when Rupert's underwater shelter got flooded and left them with a insufficient protection from the weather. Ethan called it one of the worst nights of his life, and looking at the aftermath it's not hard to see why.

The ranking of Survivor seasons *updated with S24*

1. PEARL ISLANDS - The perfect Survivor season. Memorable, larger-than-life characters like Rupert and Jonny Fairplay, unpredictable boot order and an Outcast twist that, whilst unfair, added lots of new dimensions to the season.

2. COOK ISLANDS - In a word, epic. To watch 20 people in 4 tribes battle it out to get down to 1 was a great journey, particularly once the Aitu Four staged their amazing comeback. Yul was a likeable and worthy winner, and Cao Boi was amusing.

3. HEROES VS VILLAINS - A fanboy’s wet dream. Pitting so many big characters against each other was sure to guarantee explosive confrontations and memorable moments, and it did not disappoint.

4. MICRONESIA - A great concept, but the Fans tribe was laughably bad. After that initial mismatch, the game changed and one of the most successful and ruthless alliances of all time (the all-female Black Widow Brigade) emerged. Cue blindsides galore and memorably stupid moments like Jason’s stick and Erik giving up immunity.

5. CHINA - Beautiful location, inventive and unique challenges, and one of the best casts ever (even Chicken is memorable) make it another great season. Todd is one of the few strategists to backstab and still win. The James blindside was great.

6. VANUATU - Chris had one of the best winner’s stories ever, to come back after being outnumbered by 6 women. This season also introduces the adorably paranoid Eliza. Underrated.

7. NICARAGUA - Fabio is one of the most likeable winners ever. Constantly unpredictable, there were many memorable moments, from fiery tribal councils to a double quit, and great characters like Marty and Brenda.

8. PALAU - Despite no original gimmick, still ends up being one of the most unique seasons as one tribe decimated the other. Thus, it was a season of two halves. Stephenie emerged as a true hero.

9. SAMOA - Russell was the star of the show, but a lot of the rest of the cast left a lot to be desired.

10. TOCANTINS - Coach’s crazy antics were the highlight of the season. He was a joy to watch, you never knew what he’d do next. Credit to runner-up Stephen Fishbach, an expert strategist overshadowed by the charming J.T.

11. ALL STARS - Probably the most drama-filled season of all. The competition was dominated by Boston Rob physically and tactically, and he left a lot of people angry and bitter. Amber and Rob also gave us the first on-screen Survivor romance.

12. EXILE ISLAND - Worth watching for Shane alone. But this season also contained Terry’s amazing immunity run and competition with Aras, and the evolution of Cirie, now one of Survivor’s best ever players.

13. GUATEMALA - Physical, brutal season with some great confrontations (Jamie vs. Bobby Jon, Judd vs. everyone), but a lacklustre winner keeps it in the bottom half.

14. GABON - Probably the most personal and nastiest season, the personal grudges and Randy’s intense dislike of everyone and everything was awesome. But at least a good guy won in the end. It also had one of the worst tribes ever, Fang, and one of the show’s biggest surprises, Sugar.

15. AMAZON - Cesternino’s wit made this worth watching and kept the power shifts interesting. Jenna and Heidi add eye candy. However, the cast in general wasn’t the best.

16. ONE WORLD - Kim's a great player but not great TV, and the season didn't have as many shake-ups as it should've done given the twist. The cast was decent, but not amazing. Colton created more awkwardness than entertainment.

17. FIJI - Easily the worst twist, but the Dreamz car deal and the fall of the four horsemen were both memorable moments. Earl, Yau Man and Michelle were all cool characters.

18. SOUTH PACIFIC - So many of the previous seasons problems flared up again, and in many cases even worse. I rate it slightly higher because it had one of the most realistic casts for years, an exciting and evenly-matched pre-merge and because Coach is still cool even as a gamebot.

19. REDEMPTION ISLAND - Started strong, but too many big characters getting voted out early lead to one of the most predictable and one-sided seasons ever. The Redemption Island twist failed, as did the "Rob vs Russell" twist. No season that introduced the craziness of Phillip could ever be a total loss, though.

20. AUSTRALIA - The first ever evacuation, a handful of memorable characters like Jerri and Colby, and an unexpected winner makes this one of the best of the early seasons of Survivor.

21. BORNEO - The season that started it all. It’s interesting to see the birth of the show’s gameplay and pioneer Richard Hatch in action, but it’s also frustratingly slow in places and hadn’t quite reached its potential yet.

22. AFRICA - The best thing about Africa was Lex. Ethan was a likeable winner, but had it far too easy. There was the first and best tribe swap, and a look at the community outside of the game.

23. MARQUESAS - Most boring cast/winner ever. Boston Rob was the only person worth rooting for and even he was at his worst. The best thing this season gave us was the coconut chop challenge, now a staple of the show.

24. THAILAND - Was a drag to get through at times. Shii Ann was one of the few redeeming qualities. However, Brian Heidik is pretty much the perfect Survivor player.

One World Episode 14: Kimmunity

Chelsea is delighted that Tarzan has gone home. Kim is impressed with how far they've come...from struggling and starving in the rain, to the last five standing. Next morning, Kim proposes to Sabrina that Chelsea should go, which shocks her. She thought they were tight, but instead Kim is thinking of taking out a jury threat and taking the useless Christina. This makes Sabrina think twice about Kim - is she on the chopping block if Chelsea wins immunity?

Kim heading for the top

The five girls compete for a 1 in 4 shot at the final and Christina surprisingly takes the lead. The next stage is to walk over a maze. Alicia and Chelsea come out first. Alicia unties the wrong bag to put Chelsea in the lead. The puzzle becomes a three horse race between Kim, Alicia and Chelsea. Kim makes it to the top of the tower first, but can't get it right. Alicia also goes up and fails. The girls both go back down. Chelsea is in on it now. With all three of them working their combination locks, who will snatch it first? It turns out to be Kim.

Kim is relieved to be safe, but she now has to consider her options, and is torn between getting rid of Alicia and getting rid of Chelsea. Every vote has an impact on how it goes down. Chelsea feels completely safe because of her friendship with Kim. Christina and Alicia both think that Kim is voting Chelsea out with them.

At a very Kim-centric tribal council, Jeff weighs up the criteria of how to vote someone out and offers everyone the chance to give some last words to Kim. The votes comes down and Alicia and Chelsea await finding out which way she's gonna swing. The vote is 3-2 with Alicia going home. She regrets her decision to vote out Tarzan and seems a little mad that Christina has outlasted her, but is overall in decent spirits and not bitter at Kim - unlike most of the jury.

Up in smoke: Tribute to the fallen survivors

Christina returns to camp having voted in the minority, and feels like she's on the block. Not necessarily true though, all the girls are looking at her as a favourable opponent. The four girls go on the final torchwalk, something which I am happy to see come back. We learn that Matt is still delusional, thinking he played the best game, Kim considers Colton and Troyzan her biggest strategic threats, and that Tarzan considers himself an alpha male playing as a beta male. The four watch the bonfire, appreciative of their cast.

Kim, calm, collected

The final immunity challenge is like a delicate game of operation. Kim takes the lead, with Chelsea behind her but pacing herself. Christina emerges as a surprise contender, impressively managing to keep up with Kim as late as round 8. The wind proves a bigger obstacle for Christina, who has to slow down to avoid her stack spilling. Kim takes the lead and wins her 4th and most important immunity.

Eh, I had a good run

Christina goes up to Kim and says she'd rather just know. When Kim reveals that it is her, Christina sighs and doesn't fight it - which starts to make Kim have second thoughts about voting her out. At tribal council, Christina even admits she gave up, and for some reason attacks Sabrina for being undeserving. Kim's last response is to assert that Christina would be a good opponent and maybe not everything is as it seems. However, in a surprising move Christina is actually voted out, with one of the most pathetic exits ever. To be fair to her, she was slated to go episode 1 and made it to the final four.

Sabrina is totally overwhelmed by the experience. She wants to go back and tell her kids everything. The three girls all sit down and eat, Chelsea says her reward is the experience and Kim talks about her year, which has included a rough divorce.

Sabrina overcome by the experience

Here we are: final tribal council. The jury gets a chance to speak. Chelsea's opening speech, which she stands for, is horrible and basically a great advert for a Kim win. Kim talks about how hard she played and asks for forgiveness. Sabrina talks about how her levelheaded approach was smart.

Kat speaks from her heart

Jonas is soft on the final three but seems to bash several jury members. He makes Chelsea admit to booting Kat. Christina asks Chelsea "why do you hate people?". Tarzan shows off his vocabulary and talks about himself. Half of them just want to know why they were voted out, which Kim answers honestly and respectfully...doesn't seem to placate Troyzan though. Alicia gives a deluded speech about how awesome she is. Kat closes it up and says despite how hurt she was, she doesn't want the jury to base their vote on anger.

Troyzan votes for Sabrina ("take care, comb your hair"). Kat votes for Kim ("If I didn't vote for you tonight, I would not have learned a damn thing in this game"). Jeff takes the votes back to the U.S. and gets ready to read them. In a 6-2-0 vote, the winner of One World is....Kim.

STAR OF THE WEEK: KIM SPRADLIN

There has never been a more obvious winner, but that just proves how deserving she was. She was head and shoulders above everyone else with her Boston Rob-like dominance. The most impressive I've ever seen a first-timer play and maybe the best female player ever.


Next time on Survivor...The show heads to the Philippines and goes back to three tribes, with second chances for three medevacs. Could that include Mike Skupin, who hasn't been on the show since season 2?

One World Episode 13: Warrior Poet

Tarzan has a gameplan. Finally! Up until now he'd just been going any way the wind blows. He tells Kim he thinks he can get the jury to vote for her, so they need to take out Chelsea and Sabrina next. Alicia agrees, but then again, Tarzan has also told her that he can sway the jury for her. Be careful Tarzan, wouldn't want to get voted out just as you start playing.

No reward for you: Chelsea wants
to kick Christina's sweet ass

Chelsea tries to turn Christina against Alicia and Tarzan by pointing out the obviousness of their alliance, and offers to take her on a reward. However, when Chelsea goes out for a swim, Christina tells everyone else what she said. Kim's first thought is "did Chelsea blow my cover?" Playing both sides can be a good position, but it's not a secure one, when all it takes is one conversation to leave you exposed. Kim tells Chelsea what Christina did and Chelsea gets pissed.

The reward challenge involves unscrewing three discs and using them as a decoder to find the combination for the lever at the end. Sabrina takes an early lead on the first two rounds, with Kim behind her. On the decoder wheel, some different people start getting their heads in front, with Chelsea first to the lever and Alicia right behind. Both girls take a few tries to get it, but in the end, the reward goes to...Chelsea!

Chelsea picks Sabrina because it's the fair thing to do. And then who else? Kim, of course. The girl who gets picked for everything. The three of them go on a boat and Chelsea gets cleaned up real good. The ladies then pledge to go to the final three together.

Kimsea on their honeymoon

The three back at camp are also pledging to go to the final three. Tarzan reminds the girls that he's going to be an easier opponent than Kim or Chelsea, and they've gotta go. Christina even reiterates this in front of his face, which is not only pretty dumb, but she's hardly one to talk. A final three between these people would be hilarious, but also depressing, because one of them would have to win.

Don't wanna be Tarzaned

Tarzan continues his unsanitary behaviour, once again proving himself the tribemate from Hell. Kim tries to turn Alicia against Tarzan, by convincing her that some of the men on the jury would rather die than see a woman win. She also exposes some of the double-dealing he's been doing. And Alicia buys it all. Just when you thought she couldn't look any stupider, she then calls herself "Queen of the social game". Delusional as usual.

Not the first time Alicia has had a bone in her mouth

Jeff calls them all in for the immunity challenge, which is constructing a fish skeleton with one hand behind your back. Kim hooks it first, Alicia's behind her, Tarzan seems to be doing surprisingly well too...I guess this challenge is more up the surgeon's alley. Kim blows her lead which opens the door for Alicia. Starting to drop a few, Kim rushes to finish, but Alicia beats her to the punch and wins immunity.

Alicia is very happy with her win. Chelsea knows she's on the chopping block but Kim thinks she can save her. She asks Kim to use her idol on her but Kim basically tells her she's not worth it. The thing that'll piss Chelsea off the most is being beaten by Christina, but Sabrina is hopeful Chelsea can see another day...she knows how good Kim is. Another person who knows how good Kim is is Tarzan, who seems well aware he might be a target tonight also. He's trying hard to make himself seem as appealing an opponent as possible - putting Kat's underwear on his head, for one. Alicia is going into tribal torn on what to do - stick with her alliance, or cut the wildcard loose?

Mike gives an indicator of Tarzan's winning chances

At tribal council, Tarzan reiterates that he can't win. Sabrina meanwhile says she can win - is that really a wise thing to remind people? Christina reveals she was annoyed Chelsea broke her word about taking her on a reward but Chelsea says she did because Christina also broke her word. They go to vote, and Tarzan gets the chop. He stands up and thanks the women for letting them make it as far as he did, and Mike flips him off from the jury. Tarzan's final words are great, he gives us a little poem and a Tarzan yell.

So there we have it...five girls left and nowhere to hide. Next episode we'll know who our winner is.

STAR OF THE WEEK: ALICIA ROSA

I'm starting to appreciate Alicia a little more. She was kind of a fun presence in this episode. Maybe I'm just softening because I know she has no chance of winning anymore. But she must have been doing something right to have control of three votes as late as final six.